Trail Ridge 2

Aging and Change

I’m 32. I’ve been pon­der­ing the process of grow­ing up.

It’s become our com­mon under­stand­ing that aging is a painfully slow, yet even more painfully fast, process of grow­ing old and rick­ety, senile and for­get­ful. We spend our lives long­ing in vain for the pre­vi­ous year, the pre­vi­ous decade, or the pre­vi­ous life stage. At the one-quarter life mark we switch from look­ing for­ward to look­ing back, seem­ing to never look here at the now. Each year just as we begin to adjust to our new age, to wear it and per­haps own it, the loom­ing annual “cel­e­bra­tion” strikes, again putting our per­sonal aware­ness out of kilter.

I’ve spent a life strug­gling with whether to accept the things I see around me that just don’t sit right. Rush hour baf­fles me, that we all live trapped in the same sched­ule so much so that we clog the arter­ies of our com­mu­ni­ties twice a day– not to men­tion we get pissed off in the process. This same lens has led me to rebel against the neg­a­tive take on get­ting older.

The Declaration

I have made a deci­sion. I will not limp through the years with a whim­per and a pout, I will not waste any year slouch­ing my shoul­ders and mourn­ing the goals not achieved and the tasks not accom­plished, and I will not live a life that uses pre­cious time long­ing for the things past that I failed to appre­ci­ate only to not appre­ci­ate the things present until they have become the newest things past.

I will live a life anx­ious for today peer­ing to what could be tomor­row, I will live a life that eeks out every drop of every age I have the oppor­tu­nity to expe­ri­ence so that when it comes time to turn the page I have no more use for the pre­vi­ous num­ber, and I will live a life built on what I have or what I could have, not on what I don’t have or what I did have. It’s time to shed the paral­y­sis of fail­ure and embrace the beauty of trying.

Grabbing the fish by the gills in 2005

Grab­bing the fish by the gills in 2005

The Fail Project

I want to take the time to be pur­pose­ful in mov­ing for­ward and to reflect on what my move­ment means. This isn’t a project about being dis­ap­pointed where life is cur­rently. This isn’t about squeez­ing in all my per­sonal expec­ta­tions or goals before it’s too late. This def­i­nitely isn’t about mourn­ing the end of any­thing. This is a project about tran­si­tion, inten­tion, and hope. It’s a project to use a inten­tion­al­ity to flip the script and make it a cat­a­lyst toward dreams future. Let’s do this thing.


  • Louis

    Excited to hear what’s ahead for you!

    • Ryan Holde­man

      Thanks. It’ll be hard but fun. I appre­ci­ate you tak­ing the time to read and comment.

  • B. Shel­ton

    You’re a deep guy Holde­man. I like it.

    • Ryan Holde­man

      Haha, thanks man. I def­i­nitely do a lot of think­ing. Hope­fully it’s deep from time to time.

  • Amelia Aiello


    • Ryan Holde­man


  • Amy Helling

    good luck! I’m say­ing that sin­cerely not facetiously :)

    • Ryan Holde­man

      Gooooood luck” would be face­tiously haha. Thanks for read­ing about it. It’s cool the energy being created.

  • Ariel

    Okay quit beg­ging, I’m in.

    • Ryan Holde­man

      Glad to hear it. I’ll stop with the beg­ging now.

  • Ter­risa Coobs

    I’m a fan and a fol­lower! Can’t wait to hear (and see) your plans!

    • Ryan Holde­man

      Excel­lent news!

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